I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's rum buckets o'clock
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
