HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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