I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
