and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
