Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
