She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
