Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
