i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
