you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
