just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
