sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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