I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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