i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
