So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
