WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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