Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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