paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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