I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
