your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
