I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
