real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
