YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
