I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
