Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
