You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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