I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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