I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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