as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
