Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
