On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
