Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
