Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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