I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
this beer tastes like vomit already
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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