why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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