Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am puke
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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