I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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