mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
