Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
