And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You're a disaster
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