Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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