he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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