i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
