don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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