Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
