i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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