My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
