There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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