Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
