I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
