After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Farmville is her only friend.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
