never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
