question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
