idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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