Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
