Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
