I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
