you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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