My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
