i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
