I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize