im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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