so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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