giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
