it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
