Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(863): View more from Florida

UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.

(863): View more from Florida

Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

At least you don't cum in color.

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(863): UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground. (863): Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine. (321): At least you don't cum in color. http://tfl.nu/1kue

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Could a canary swim?

(952): View more from Minnesota

Last time I ever let you pet sit.

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(651): Could a canary swim? (952): Last time I ever let you pet sit. http://tfl.nu/tcs0

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(248): View more from Michigan

I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.

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(248): I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her. http://tfl.nu/7nk8

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(985): View more from Louisiana

I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.

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(985): I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies. http://tfl.nu/mtcu

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(619): View more from California

you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.

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(619): you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you. http://tfl.nu/x6wp

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(410): View more from Maryland

Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.

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(410): Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on. http://tfl.nu/o94m

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(250): View more from British Columbia

she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza

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(250): she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza http://tfl.nu/2a0o

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.

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(781): please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again. http://tfl.nu/xtmx

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(519): View more from Ontario

She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has

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(519): She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has http://tfl.nu/fgce

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(817): View more from Texas

Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.

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(817): Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer. http://tfl.nu/3l5u

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(816): View more from Missouri

TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.

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(816): TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true. http://tfl.nu/3n2b

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(214): View more from Texas

Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.

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(214): Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming. http://tfl.nu/yp4i

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(706): View more from Georgia

I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them

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(706): I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them http://tfl.nu/sm11

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.

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(570): At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement? (1-570): I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet. http://tfl.nu/p7w6

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(619): View more from California

We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.

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(619): We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows. http://tfl.nu/xsuo

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