Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?