It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it