I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
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what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
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Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.