margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.