I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
