mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
