I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
