There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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