check it out our google latitudes are spooning
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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