theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
