wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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