And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So much rum. So many feels.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
