tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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