That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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