AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
