Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
